Things I learned from the movie Pan (Caution Spoilers)

So instead of Writing a review for this one I just decided to do a list. I could do a serious review and give this movie the 1/5 that it deserves but to be honest the movie was so shockingly terrible that I think a 1/5 would do it injustice. This is a movie that I walked out of in awe of what I had witnessed, was the movie aware of how hilariously awful it was...it had to be...is it genus or madness???? 

Anyway heres something to mix up the pace a bit. Keep in mind there are SPOILERS ahead but unless you were dead set on seeing the movie you shouldn't be to worried. Should you go see this movie? Well only if you know your getting yourself into and god did I not know

What I learned in Pan

I Learned that:

1. Starting movies with the cliche saying "this is a story you haven't heard before" is still a stupid way to invest me in said story.
2. Poorly converted 3D Movies aren't going away anytime soon
3. "Smells like Teen Spirit" is not a good song for a war chant
4. Nuns are always evil and hate orphans
5. Levi Miller just isn't a good actor...
6. ...Fortunately Hugh Jackman is and he's batshit crazy in this movie
7. Blackbeard must have a really wanted the prophecy, involving a boy from another word leading an uprising against him, to come true considering he personally ferries like hundreds of kids to Neverland
8. Evil Nuns often make animal noises.
9. Forcing a romance between Hook and Tigerlily results in some terrible dialogue.
10. Terrible CGI birds as as unhealthy to your eyes as Pixels is to your sense of humor
11. Blackbeard will whisper, shout or growl every line he has.
12. When Natives die they become colorful clouds of smoke
13. Nuns will horde your food and dreams from you because their evil.
14. If you love your dead mother hard enough fairies will cluster together to summon her essence, allowing you to speak to her.
15. Blackbeard does a great job enforcing his hidden agenda to remove himself from power by "failing" to kill Pan durrng the many opportunities he has.
16. Having a crocodile drag a boy to the depths of an endless river to kill him might be a tad dark for a kids movie that uses pompoms for the Native peoples costumes
17. You don't have to be a good fighter to take out an armada of flying Pirate ships
18. Hook is a lovable protagonist who would never dream of hurting Peter Pan (no I shit you not the movie ends with Peter and Hook being best buds and Peter asking Hook "Do you think we'll always be friends?" to which Hook responds to saying "What could possibly go wrong").
19. Orphan kids who are told directly they are not special often end up being the most special of all.
20. Hooks "first mate" Smee will betray him the first sign of danger and its all Hooks fault for trusting him.
21. That whole Pirates singing Nirvana when the movie takes place durring WWII scene is probably never explained for the right reasons.

Sicario - Movie Review

Its not always the action that yield a rush. (3/5)

Sicario is tense, and not for the faint of heart. This is a movie that has a point in mind and knows how to tell it; this is a movie thats hungry for award attention. Does it deserve it? Well...read on.

Sicario 'stars' Emily Blunt as a CIA agent Kate Macy, who is recruited by government advisor Matt, played by Josh Brolin, into a force thats trying to strike directly at the cartels. Of course seeing as how Matt works outside the law Kate tends to disagree with many of the task forces operations which causes a rift between her and Matt's associate, Alejandro, played Benico del Toro. As the film develops the relationship that Kate shares with Matt and Alejandro start to shape her opinions on whats going on and whether its right or wrong.

I say the movie stars Emily Blunt in my summery but the truth is the movie doesn't really star anybody outside Blunt and de Toro (kind of). It more or less puts these character under a microscope and subjectively asks us to judge their practices and determine for ourselves right from wrong. While the first half prominently follows Blunt and her experiences the second half follows del Toro; the two have significantly different stories to tell.

Sicario engraves a brutal world that is terrorized by violence in attempt for control, but also features very little action. Sicario's strengths lie within its set ups and the tension they build. Every action scene in Sicairo ends up being a summation of all the tension up to that point. When the action does hit (and what little of it there is...seriously Southpaw had more action) it hits hard and the release is all the sweeter. It encourages my beliefs that great action isn't restrained by a special effects budget, but by the directors choices up to that point. Its a scientific blend of tension and release that builds the audience to a thrilling high.

What does hold Sicario back is its sear brutal nature. This is a good movie: its expertly directed, very well acted, well shot and well written. However because of the subject matter the story is covering it certainly doesn't call for much enjoyment. The world is harsh and the choices the director makes are all in favor of reinforcing the point of his story. Then when there is no buildup or action going on its very noticeable and it feels like the film grinds to a halt.

Overall Sicaro is a great film but only a good experience. Its very serious and I discourage anybody outside the hardcore away from this film. If you like great drama and don't mind violent imagery or themes this film will satisfy, and though I enjoyed this film I can't say I'll be going back for more.

Everest - Movie Review

The Mountain Always has the last word (3/5).

Wow, so Everest was sad, a lot sadder then I was expecting. Don't get me wrong its those moments that are the best and most dramatic, but the movie turns from a decent mountain climbing adventure movie to a more disaster/survival movie really fast.

Well whats it about? Everest depicts the tragic events from May 1996 where a large storm strikes the legendary mountain just as a group of climbers lead by Rob Hall (Jason Clarke). The climbers are challenged by incredible winds and unbearable cold as they are taunted by nature to try and survive.


The final third of this film has nothing out of your standard disaster movie playbook, however its also the strongest act of the film. Everything up to the film is build up as the story follows the hikers on their trip up the mountain. It's typical and even boring at some points but I tend to appreciate films that have you eat your broccoli before getting dessert. I found myself really caring for several of these characters because I had spent the previous hour and a half on the journey up the mountain. This doesn't discredit the flaws of the movie to which there are plenty. As mentioned previously nothing really happens until they reach the summit; up to that point the show really belongs to the cinematography. Also once the storm finally comes some of the deaths just kinda happen so fast its hard to catch them. This is a move where its easy to forget names as the action is going down.

Everest delivers on the promises it makes. Its a spectacle depicting the horrific events that brought the dangers of nature back to the public eye. The first half of the movie is unremarkable and the second half is by the books, but the experience as a whole is bolstered by the thrill of experiencing the climb and then witnessing helpless to the devastation. Everest as a package has going for it to make it a worth wile experience.

The 3D difference: I waited 2 weeks to see this movie because I wanted to see it in 3D and honestly its not that worth it. The movie is shot beautifully without the emersion and its the human aspect that pushed this into the positive zone for me so don't feel like 3D is a must for this one.

Just an Update

Thanks to anybody who is a regular to my blog, I'll have more movie reviews up soon. I am going to see both Everest and Sicario tonight as well as Pan or the Walk tomorrow so look for those coming up.

The Martian - Review

The Martian brings back the heart into sci-fi. (5/5)

Humanity is a theme that every movie regardless of being good, great, and terrible each touch on in their own way. Characters in stories only become real after they are perceived as such from the viewer, and the characters that become the most real are the ones who become the most tangible to our own individual understanding.; it's the reason why many of us identify with different people and make separate choices. The Martian (directed by Ridley Scott) is a movie about humanity, but not humanity on a grand scale; its an epic that chronologues the chapter in the life of a fictional character, of a fictional future, and makes you care about him like a forgotten friend. The Martian weighs the significance of a life in the sacrifices and the sparks it takes to save it. Its one hell of a watch.

Honestly the less you know about The Martian the more surprises you will be in for, but this paragraph should serve as a basic outline. Astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is left behind and presumed dead during an emergency evacuation from Mars. He is left alone with limited resources and previsions, and overall hope for survival is slim, but his optimism pushes him onward to fight for a chance. The story is part told on Mars, where Watney must improvise solutions to various impossible problems, and the other part told on Earth where Watney's death and circumstance is being handled by NASA.

The two part story does major milage for the story's main theme since we get two completely sides of the situation to examine from. On Nasa side we see a struggle between many different personalities and minds over how to handle the situation, and on Watney's side we see the personal struggle considering it's his ass in the fire. Both parties are working toward the same goal and both fail if Mark doesn't make it. In the trailer Matt Damon narrates that as humans we have a natural instinct to help one another, and this theme only becomes larger and more prevent as the plot develops.

The Martian isn't all serious though, in fact it may just have the best since of humor out of any movie so far this year. Throughout all the hardship and hopelessness Mark Watney remains a beacon of optimism and charism. Scott strategically chooses to have Damon narrate most of his scenes while alone on Mars as a way to incorporate his triumphs with our own, making us want to see him get out alive even more. Matt Damon crushes it in this role, its some of the greatest work he's ever done and Im including Good Will Hunting. The folks at NASA are also extremely relatable and easy to root for, even the ones you may not agree with like Teddy Sanders (Jeff Daniels) who despite wanting to save Watney as much as everybody else, realizes that jeopardizing more lives is not worth losing another.

In summery if you have no plans this weekend go see The Martian. Its epic, its personal, its Ridley Scott at his absolute best. The movie is gorgeous, the performances are symbiotic and the experience is one that kept a constant smile on my face. This movie does everything I can ask for and I can't wait to see it again!

Hotel Transylvania 2 - Review

Drac's sequel brings the laughs but forgets to focus (2/5).


When it comes to Sony this year I'm starting to get annoyed. Every film they have put out (ie Pixels, Paul Blart 2, Aloha and the Perfect Guy) has been a heartless and unremarkable entries into a flourishing marketplace of quality and exciting films. While I'm am eager to say Hotel Transylvania 2 is my favorite movie Sony has put out this year I can't say thats much of a compliment.


But enough about Sony, what about the movie, the studio for better to worst isn't what makes or breaks a movie. How is Hotel Transylvania 2...well its a mixed bag.


The movie takes place some time down the road from the last one and Dracula's Daughter has married her "zing" Jonathan and have a baby named Dennis. Five years pass and Dennis still hasn't grown his Vampire Fangs which causes Dracula (Adam Sandler) to become paranoid that Dennis is possibly a human and not a Vampire which would end the Dracula bloodline. So Drac schemes a plan that involves Mavis and Johnny leaving for some time while he brings five year old Dennis through Vampire boot camp.

The plot works for something like this, its simple and allows for strong character development and themes to shine. A large portion of the movie revolves around Dracula's relationship with Dennis and his bind acceptance to his grandchild being a Vampire when signs show that he's not. Can Dracula accept the kid for who he is and not who he wants to be is a very adult theme and handled very well through the picture. Another thing the HT2 does well is staying true to its brand of humor, blending creativity with rapid-fire personalities and jokes (+/- a couple cut-a-ways).

No my problems with HT2 rely not in its set up or its execution, those are both fine, my problem lies within its third act, specifically how Vlad, Dracula's father played by Mel Brooks, is handled as an antagonist and the films overall resolution. Considering how that crosses spoiler territory I will respectfully withhold my criticisms in this review.

If you saw the first one and liked it as I did then this movie will likely hold enjoyment for you. If you have kids and are making a trip to the theaters this would also be my recommendation considering its a good time for all ages and there really isn't anything else age appropriate out right now. But if your a film fan like me and judge the movie not just on what you liked but also what you didn't like then I would recommend a pass on this one, the third act is a doosey.