Let's just pretend I wrote full 3 paragraph reviews for all these films:
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part (4/5)
As hysterical and heartfelt as the first Lego Movie. What it lacks in narrative cohesion, it makes up for with ambition and big ideas.
What Men Want (1/5)
Taraji P. you're better then this...at least I hope you are.
Isn't it Romantic (2/5)
Better then average satire of a below average romantic comedy.
Alita: Battle Angel (2/5)
Nails its main character and wows with visuals, the story fumbles through subplot and ends before central questions can be addressed to bait a sequel
Fighting with My Family (3/5)
I don't understand WWE. I like to think I understand what makes a good movie which fortunately Fighting With My Family is.
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2/5)
The Hidden World owes its strength to its predecessors. Outside its conclusion, what it brings to the table is underwhelming.
Captain Marvel (2/5)
Its perplexing that this movies signature flaw is its main character, something that marvel has traditional and continues to excel in.
Dumbo (1/5)
Assistant: "Mr. Burton, Disney wants you to remake Dumbo". Burton: "Excellent, time to take that pink elephants scene to the next level". Assistant:" Actually they want you to make a period drama with meta commentary". Burton:"...What?"
Shazam! (3/5)
The sudden and horrific imagery in Shazam! only adds to its light boyish charm and sense of fun the film plays up. Seriously, that's not a joke.
Little (1/5)
Let's make that movie pitched by a tween girl for adults, whats the worst that could happen?
Missing Link (2/5)
Charming and light but I expect more from Laika studios who brought us Kubo, Coraline, and Paranorman.
Penguins (2/5)
You know if Disney Nature Documentaries weren't narrated in the most annoying means possible, they might actually be some of my favorite films of the year.
Avengers: Endgame (2/5)
Great end to the MCU so far, sub par movie in its own right...hate me...hate me for speaking the truth.
Long Shot (2/5)
Pretty decent comedy that feels like it should say more then it does.
Pokemon Detective Pikachu (2/5)
Magnificent production design, great dynamic between leads. Too bad was too bonkers to be taken seriously even for a poke-manic like myself; I guess I expected to much.
The Hustle (1/5)
Yet another example of Anne Hathaway being far too good for the movie shes given.
John Wick: Chapter 3- Parabellum (4/5)
The best John Wick movie ever! A symphony of stunt work and action cinematography.
Aladdin (2/5)
Will Smith really works when he is allowed to do his version of the genie, which comprises about 40% of the time he's allotted on screen.
Booksmart (5/5)
A retelling of Superbad with new things to say. It doesn't hurt it's also the best comedy in years.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (4/5)
I cried when Mothra tackled Rodan out of the skies.
Rocket Man (3/5)
A typical musical biopic that isn't afraid to take a risk or two into surreal storytelling.
Dark Phoenix (1/5)
Dishonor X-Men. Dishonor on your whole franchise. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow...McAvoy and Fassbender get gold stars for trying.
Men in Black: International (1/5)
Where was the heart here!?
Toy Story 4 (2/5)
I recognize the strengths of Toy Story 4 makes it a worthy sequel to the classic (if a bit overrated in my opinion) trilogy, but that doesn't excuse how bored I was throughout the second act.
Yesterday (3/5)
A great what if narrative that plays out as predictably as you expect and ends just after it wore out its welcome.
Spider-Man: Far From Home (3/5)
Its second half makes good on the themes its disposable first half introduces, helping the movie stand just under the average Marvel anthology.
Stuber (2/5)
If you listen carefully you can hear Kumail's comedic muscles seizing after carrying Batista for the 90min runtime.
The Lion King (2/5)
It's the Lion King. Its also a Disney "live action" remake which means its vastly inferior to the original and only adds material that seemingly improves the narrative but only diminishes the pacing and themes.
Once Upon A Time in Hollywood (3/5)
Tarantino's historical embellishment is best watched like a day in the life experience rather then a traditional narrative up to the final 20 min.
Joker (4/5)
Phillips doesn't have as much to say in Joker as he think he does, but what he does say is effective and most certainly worth talking about.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil
Rotten Tomatoes 41% Cinemascore: A
Disney's sequel to 2014s Maleficent shares much in common with many of the studios other more original live action films. The visual effects and production are all excellent, however the script and characters are shallow leaving little more then flashy entertainment designed to pacify and instruct its audience how to feel rather than letting them decide for themselves. Mistress of Evil is not devoid of quality, no movie is. The film leans heavily into its dark fantasy aesthetic sparking the imagination with its sets throughout the film, my favorite of which is underground laboratory where creatures from the Moors are experimented on. The greatest tragedy of the film though may be its treatment of its title character played again by Jolie. The narrative refuses to commit to a central conflict to bind Maleficent to, resulting in disorganized pacing as the film marches towards the battle it desperately wants to stage. First the film focuses on Maleficent relationship with her surrogate daughter Aurora (Fanning), then it shifts to Maleficent's own insecurities until it drops that altogether and instead bobs between themes of belonging and acceptance. Then the finale dissatisfies every theme so it may have a classic Disney ending. There is joy to be had in Maleficent's third act as Ronning throws all the fantasy violence on screen he can get away with a PG rating, however the end result was the absence of any theme or character I could ascribe caring for.