Let's just pretend I wrote full 3 paragraph reviews for all these films:
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part (4/5)
As hysterical and heartfelt as the first Lego Movie. What it lacks in narrative cohesion, it makes up for with ambition and big ideas.
What Men Want (1/5)
Taraji P. you're better then this...at least I hope you are.
Isn't it Romantic (2/5)
Better then average satire of a below average romantic comedy.
Alita: Battle Angel (2/5)
Nails its main character and wows with visuals, the story fumbles through subplot and ends before central questions can be addressed to bait a sequel
Fighting with My Family (3/5)
I don't understand WWE. I like to think I understand what makes a good movie which fortunately Fighting With My Family is.
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2/5)
The Hidden World owes its strength to its predecessors. Outside its conclusion, what it brings to the table is underwhelming.
Captain Marvel (2/5)
Its perplexing that this movies signature flaw is its main character, something that marvel has traditional and continues to excel in.
Dumbo (1/5)
Assistant: "Mr. Burton, Disney wants you to remake Dumbo". Burton: "Excellent, time to take that pink elephants scene to the next level". Assistant:" Actually they want you to make a period drama with meta commentary". Burton:"...What?"
Shazam! (3/5)
The sudden and horrific imagery in Shazam! only adds to its light boyish charm and sense of fun the film plays up. Seriously, that's not a joke.
Little (1/5)
Let's make that movie pitched by a tween girl for adults, whats the worst that could happen?
Missing Link (2/5)
Charming and light but I expect more from Laika studios who brought us Kubo, Coraline, and Paranorman.
Penguins (2/5)
You know if Disney Nature Documentaries weren't narrated in the most annoying means possible, they might actually be some of my favorite films of the year.
Avengers: Endgame (2/5)
Great end to the MCU so far, sub par movie in its own right...hate me...hate me for speaking the truth.
Long Shot (2/5)
Pretty decent comedy that feels like it should say more then it does.
Pokemon Detective Pikachu (2/5)
Magnificent production design, great dynamic between leads. Too bad was too bonkers to be taken seriously even for a poke-manic like myself; I guess I expected to much.
The Hustle (1/5)
Yet another example of Anne Hathaway being far too good for the movie shes given.
John Wick: Chapter 3- Parabellum (4/5)
The best John Wick movie ever! A symphony of stunt work and action cinematography.
Aladdin (2/5)
Will Smith really works when he is allowed to do his version of the genie, which comprises about 40% of the time he's allotted on screen.
Booksmart (5/5)
A retelling of Superbad with new things to say. It doesn't hurt it's also the best comedy in years.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (4/5)
I cried when Mothra tackled Rodan out of the skies.
Rocket Man (3/5)
A typical musical biopic that isn't afraid to take a risk or two into surreal storytelling.
Dark Phoenix (1/5)
Dishonor X-Men. Dishonor on your whole franchise. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow...McAvoy and Fassbender get gold stars for trying.
Men in Black: International (1/5)
Where was the heart here!?
Toy Story 4 (2/5)
I recognize the strengths of Toy Story 4 makes it a worthy sequel to the classic (if a bit overrated in my opinion) trilogy, but that doesn't excuse how bored I was throughout the second act.
Yesterday (3/5)
A great what if narrative that plays out as predictably as you expect and ends just after it wore out its welcome.
Spider-Man: Far From Home (3/5)
Its second half makes good on the themes its disposable first half introduces, helping the movie stand just under the average Marvel anthology.
Stuber (2/5)
If you listen carefully you can hear Kumail's comedic muscles seizing after carrying Batista for the 90min runtime.
The Lion King (2/5)
It's the Lion King. Its also a Disney "live action" remake which means its vastly inferior to the original and only adds material that seemingly improves the narrative but only diminishes the pacing and themes.
Once Upon A Time in Hollywood (3/5)
Tarantino's historical embellishment is best watched like a day in the life experience rather then a traditional narrative up to the final 20 min.
Joker (4/5)
Phillips doesn't have as much to say in Joker as he think he does, but what he does say is effective and most certainly worth talking about.
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